Value
by Rasiaa
Summary: "He keeps making you cry. All the time. All the damn time, he does. Why do you keep going back? Someone who doesn't value your smiles doesn't deserve to see them."


_For Sapphic Season on HPFC:_

_WC - 2215_

_Marauder's Era, friends to lovers, bed sharing, romance, drama_

* * *

Someone, somewhere, rewinds the clock and it begins again.

Marlene has seen it many times before.

She watches as Mary storms away from Peter in a huff, wiping tears from her face. She's hardly even dressed as she slams out of the Gryffindor common room, shrieking protests from the Fat Lady echoing in the hall. As the door shuts, dead silence engulfs the room.

Everyone is staring at Peter Pettigrew, who has somehow managed to drive Mary away for the sixth time this year. Why she keeps going back to the rat is far beyond Marlene, but she doesn't pretend to know either of them very well. Not that she isn't curious, of course - Mary is a real gem to look at and her skill in arithmancy is unmatched but for Lily Evans and Remus Lupin. Marlene can admire that. Anyone who can keep up with those two is certainly worth knowing.

She's wanted to know Mary for a year, now. Her heart aches as she thinks of the way Mary looked so devastated five minutes ago.

Apparently the awkwardness grows to be too much. James Potter has been the center of similar scenes for his entire career at Hogwarts, alongside Lily. He is familiar with the judgment that comes from making some girl cry in anger, and so he steps forward and puts an arm around Peter's shoulders.

"Rough going, mate. Let's go play exploding snap, yeah? It'll look better tomorrow," he says, and Peter nods miserably. He follows his friend willingly enough, though, and after a moment Sirius and Remus do as well. Marlene pretends she doesn't see the way their hands part as they stand from where they were pressed close on the couch, for the sake of her own sanity.

Brave souls, those two. Marlene doesn't quite have it in her to flaunt her homosexuality even secretly like that.

But...

She looks to the door, something pulling her to it. She looks away and Lily catches her eye and jerks her head to the door, eyes serious. Marlene stands and walks over. "Good luck," Lily says quietly. "Mary just needs some support right now."

"And you're sure I'm the one to do it?" Marlene counters, sitting next to the redhead. Lily shrugs helplessly.

"She'll reject Alice and I. We've been there too many times and she no doubt doesn't believe us anymore. I think someone new is exactly what she needs."

"We barely know each other," Marlene says.

"You've been her potions partner for three years, you know. I think you've broken passed the introduction stage, at least."

True enough, Marlene supposes.

"Okay then," she says, and stands once more. "Any idea where she went?"

"Try the willow tree. Not the Whomping Willow - the tree by the lake, near the edge of the forest."

"Okay," Marlene repeats. She nods to herself. "Okay." Taking a deep breath, she winks at Lily and walks out the door.

"And where do you think you're going, so close to curfew?"

Marlene ignores the Fat Lady, who huffs in irritation. "Children these days!" she yells. Marlene ignores that, too, and heads for the door heading outside.

It's fucking freezing.

Marlene wishes she brought her robe, at the very least. But she's no more dressed than Mary was, really. At least Marlene is in jeans, though, instead of a thin dress.

All the way over, Marlene rehearses what she's going to say. She wants to make a good impression, thinking of the way Mary laughs in the mornings because she's a morning person and so is fucking Peter, lord help her, and they had lots of conversations over breakfast. Marlene wants to make her laugh like that. She wants to go down the hall to the other girl's dorm for seventh years and wake her up, to make her smile first thing and start their days on a high note.

"Just forget him," Marlene wishes, looking to the sky, dark except for a few stars. "Forget him, he's not good for you."

Mary is exactly where Lily said she'd be.

"Hi," Marlene says, and drops down next to her.

Mary jumps with a shriek. "Marlene?" she demands. "You scared me! What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. And look at that, mission accomplished."

Mary scowls at her. "Indeed. Now you can leave, and let everyone know I'm exactly the mess you expected."

Mary isn't wrong to say that she looks like a hot mess. Her blonde hair is a rat's nest from the light wind and no doubt she's run her fingers through it a million times. She's got dark streaks of eyeliner down her cheeks, mixing with blush. It makes for a very unattractive picture. Her lipstick is bitten away in patches on top of all that, and Marlene wants desperately to kiss the rest off.

"No way," Marlene says, and scoots closer. "Not a chance, girly. You're gonna tell me exactly what you see in that stupid man, and then I'm gonna set you straight because he ain't worth this, honey."

Not a good start, Marlene thinks immediately, swallowing as Mary's eyes light up in anger. "Who are you to say that? You don't know anything!"

Mary stands and walks away, rubbing her arms against the cold and shaking her head. Marlene jumps up and follows, reaching out. "Wait, wait - Mary, I'm sorry. I didn't mean -"

"No one ever means it," Mary says bitterly. "What do you know, Marlene?"

She falters, and then takes a deep breath. "Peter doesn't deserve you," she says. "You're too kind. He's not. Just look at the way he treats Slytherins, for Merlin's sake. What have the little eleven and twelve year olds done to him? Not a damn thing, that's what. I heard Sirius, one time, tell him that he went too far, and you know if Sirius Black is saying that then it's true.

"He keeps making you cry. All the time. All the damn time, he does. Why do you keep going back? Someone who doesn't value your smiles doesn't deserve to see them."

Mary stares at her. She doesn't even shiver as the wind picks up, eyes fixed firmly on Marlene's face. Marlene averts her eyes after a minute, nervous.

"...I guess he doesn't," Mary murmurs eventually. "I've never thought of it like that before."

"Huh?"

"He doesn't value my smiles, does he? I never considered that."

Marlene just shrugs, unsure what to say.

Mary smiles at her. Marlene's breath catches.

"Thanks, Marlene. You've given me something to think about. I'll see you later?"

And she's gone, just like that. Marlene watches her leave, jogging up to Hogwarts.

Marlene drops to her knees and stares at the castle long after she's gone.

...

"Good morning!"

It is not a good morning. No such thing exists. If it's earlier than ten am and she's awake to know it, it's not a good morning.

Marlene lifts her head anyway, because this is routine, now.

It's been a week since Mary told Peter to fuck off the morning after their fight. It was liberating to watch her walk off with her head high. Peter was heartbroken, and he deserved it.

Mary had walked right over to Marlene and lead her away.

Ever since, Marlene has been on cloud nine.

Mary is everything Marlene had thought and more.

She's patient, firstly, which is a godsend. Marlene is not. Her frustrations get the best of her nearly every day, and Mary has talked her through them several times already. It's amazing.

She's funny, unexpectedly. She does excellent impressions of literally everyone, and Marlene has laughed herself to tears over her impression of James three times now.

She's beautiful, but Marlene knew that. What she hadn't realized is that Mary didn't even own makeup, which was a shock. The makeup she wore last week was Lily's, loaned for date night with Peter since he asked her to wear it. Something about the freckles on her face, which is despicable.

She's good at sewing, apparently. Her mother taught her all her tricks as Mary grew up, so Marlene spent the night two nights ago just looking at a collection of hand stitched quilts and matching pillows, some of them with simple but elegant embroidery.

"Marlene?"

She jerks out of her daydreams and focuses on the girl who was the star, smiling at her. Mary raises her eyebrows, amused. "You're tired?" she says, sitting next to her.

"How'd -" Marlene yawns, "- you guess?"

"You usually can't stand to let your robe sit crookedly on your shoulders like that," Mary says, "so you must be out of it to have not noticed."

And then Mary reaches over and adjusts the robe, her arms wrapping around Marlene's shoulders. Marlene's heart jumps in her chest and she attempts to swallow, but her mouth is dry. Mary is wearing subtle perfume and it's doing her head in.

Mary leans her cheek on the top of Marlene's dark hair. "All better," she says softly. "Feel better?"

"O-oh, yes," Marlene stutters out, gripping the edge of her skirt tightly. "Thank you."

"Of course," Mary murmurs.

Marlene is so fucked.

...

She's not expecting the door to slam open, and she's definitely not expecting Mary to fly into Marlene's dorm and collapse on the foot of her bed, sobbing helplessly into Marlene's sheets.

"Mary?" Marlene says, startled. "Mary, honey, what happened?"

She sets her book on her nightstand and ignores the nail polish that falls to the floor. She can't remember if the lid was on, but she can clean any possible mess later. She reaches for Mary and guides her up so that she's leaning on Marlene's shoulder, curled up next to her. The bed is small so they're pressed tightly together, and Marlene can't say she minds too much. Mary continues to cry, clinging.

Marlene rubs her shoulder and rocks her gently, murmuring nonsense into her hair. She hopes Mary can hear her, and how much she aches for her.

"Great Godric, you were right. You were completely right," Mary cries eventually. "He doesn't value me at all! I don't know what happened to the sweet boy I fell in love with, but he's gone and he's not coming back! He's gone, Marlene, he's gone -"

"Mary? Is this about Peter? What happened? What did he say to you?"

"Called me a whore," she says, voice small. "He called me a stupid whore because he heard me tell Lily that I -" she cuts herself off and curls closer.

Marlene is caught between curiosity and fury. How dare he? How fucking dare he?

"You're not a whore," Marlene says tightly. "You're not. You're amazing, and lovely, and most certainly not some wantonly sexual beast. Even if you were, so what? That doesn't mean you deserve shame. Besides, what business does he have in your life, anymore? He has no right to make that kind of judgment. He wants to shame you, Mary, but you've nothing to be ashamed of, you hear me? Nothing."

Mary takes a shuddering breath. "He told me once that he never thought homosexuals were bad. What a liar."

Marlene's heart stops and then rushes to her throat. "What do you mean?"

"He called me a whore because I have feelings for a woman, and not him."

Mary is very quiet.

Marlene swallows, and says, "Nothing to be ashamed of, Mary."

"You think?"

"I know so," she answers, and takes a risk. She presses a kiss to Mary's temple, and waits. Mary takes in another deep breath, and relaxes. She doesn't protest, so Marlene waits another moment before kissing her cheekbone.

Mary lifts her head. Her eyes are still damp but she blinks it away. "Marlene," she whispers.

Marlene, for her part, freezes. Everything she wants is right in front of her, but she can't seem to move. She doesn't want to push her.

Mary doesn't seem to feel like she's being pushed, because she leans up and presses their mouths together.

It's all Marlene can do to kiss her back, almost dizzy with the realization that her dreams are coming true. She tightens her hold on the other girl, pulling her closer. Mary sits up, breaking the kiss, and straddles her lap before leaning back in.

It's everything she's ever wanted.

...

King's Cross is noisy, but that's not new.

What's new is the knowledge that Marlene will never come back. She has no reason to make use of the trains since she can apparate wherever she pleases.

Mary pulls on her arm, and Marlene laughs slightly and allows herself to be dragged away from the station for the last time.

Mary comes to a stop in front of a small blonde woman, holding a purple bag and dressed in pale blue. The woman blinks at Mary and smiles, the expression lighting up her whole face. "My darling," she breathes, and pulls Mary into a hug.

They separate after a moment and Mary turns and grabs Marlene's hand. "Mum," she says, "This is Marlene. My - my girlfriend."

Marlene smiles and holds out her hand. "Marlene McKinnon, ma'am."

"Lucy," the woman says. "I look forward to knowing you, Marlene."

"And I you, Lucy," she says.

Marlene looks forward to the future she can see with Mary, stretching out before her.


End file.
